YOU ARE ALSO A GHETTO MARTIAL ARTIST IF....

You have ever been attacked by a crackhead while jogging to get in shape for your next belt exam
You've ever considered applying the Aikido/Jujitsu sword movements to a piece of wood that you intended to use on the crackhead who attacked you while you were jogging
You ARE the crackhead who attacked someone while they were jogging to get in shape for their next belt exam
You listen to Erika Badu in order to get your rhythm before sparring in a tournament
You have used your empty hand techniques to fight off a pigeon
You think that Billy Blanks invented TaeBo to be used as a martial art
You are a Black or Hispanic martial artist who knows nothing about Capoeira--an African/Brazilian martial art
You learned how to do the Electric Slide before you learned how to do your first kata or animal form
You take Judo so you can learn how to "throw muh-f*kas"
You have ever tried to get a woman to enroll in your classes so you can "crack on her"
You wondered if you'd have to use your training to fight off bigots who wanted some payback after the O.J. Trails
You ARE O.J. Simpson (remember: he fought off a gunman in early 1999)
You get upset when people say that the Korean or Japanese art that you study has Chinese roots even though you are NOT Korean or Japanese
You have ever trained at a school that has drug deals going down outside it's doorway or in the parking lot
You perfected your jump kicks and blind kicks by practicing on brick walls in an alley
You refer to a young black male opponent who was tall, thin, thuggish, and had braids in his hair as "Snoop Dawg Jewnyah"
Your first time in a Jujitsu alley exercise you had to suppress the urge to punch your attackers in the face
Your first time in a Jujitsu alley exercise you actually DID punch your attackers in the face
You refer to an young asian male opponent who was slim, fast, and muscular as "Bruce Lee Jewnyah"
You have ever gotten EXCITED when you told your students the following: "Ya got to be careful, ya know, in a real fight they might come at you from behind, with a bat, or with a piece o' wood or somethin', yaknowhatahmsayin'? So TAKE EM OUT! 'Specially if they ain't no cops around!!"
You have ever gotten EXCITED when you told your students the following: "Ya got to be careful, ya know, in a real fight they might come at you from behind, with a bat, or with a piece o' wood or somethin', yaknowhatahmsayin'? So TAKE EM OUT! 'Specially if they ain't no cops around!!" AND YOU'RE WHITE
When asked how you did against "Snoop Dawg Jewnyah" your response is, "Man, I whipped Snoop's a**"
When asked how you did against "Bruce Lee Jewnyah" your response is, "I thought I was gonna have to HURT Bruce up in there--he was trying to bring some ruckus!"
You have ever said the following to encourage a student or colleague: "Don't worry 'bout fightin' him, he ain't sh*t!"
You have ever said the following to encourage a student or colleague: "Don't worry 'bout fightin' him, he ain't sh*t!" AND YOU'RE A WOMAN
The rowdiest, most "'bout it 'bout it" people at a tournament are from your particular dojo
You want to learn Chinna so you can beat people up "just like Van Damme do"
You won't train under anyone who is not at least a little rowdy or "'bout it 'bout it"
You have ever practiced you hand-foot combinations to Go-Go or House Music
You have ever practiced you hand-foot combinations to Go-Go or House Music and you're NOT from DC or Baltimore
You've ever sparred a martial artist who had an S-Curl or a Jeri Curl
You ARE a martial artist who has had an S-Curl or a Jeri Curl
Your family lets you take an Asian martial art, eat Asian food, learn some words from Asian languages, supports an Asian drycleaner, shop in Asian owned stores, lets you watch Asian martial arts movies, and even has some Asian artwork in their homes, yet your family gets bent out of shape if you decide you want to DATE an Asian
You ever had a flashback to a streetfight during a tournament bout
You have ever heard or said the following: "Man, you don't need to take no Judo, THIS is how you throw a n****r on the ground!"
You have ever heard or said the following: "Man, you don't need to take no Judo, THIS is how you throw a n****r on the ground!" AND YOU'RE WHITE
You have ever said the following: "Man, you don't need to take no Judo, THIS is how you throw a n****r on the ground!" to a black student, but it was okay because he knows that you are a "cool white boy"
You have ever used an empty forty ounce bottle to help you target your blind kicks
You thought the guys in "Only The Strong", a Capoeira movie, "looked a little too sweet" performing some of the movements during the movie's fight scenes
You get mad when people suggest that you should stop your current training and take TaeBo
You think that doing TaeBo is just like being in the ring fighting a real opponent
You know you've seen yourself in all of posts that have been presented on this topic, and yet you STILL don't think that you're a ghetto martial artist

REMEMBER FOLKS: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BLACK TO BE A GHETTO MARTIAL ARTIST

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