RANDOM, TRUE LIFE COMEDY

Things I've seen, heard, or said.
  1. I once heard a first hand account of how it felt to be a looter in South Central during the Rodney King riots by a former LA resident who sat next to me on the bus. She also said that Rodney King was beaten up and/or hassled daily by other residents who were annoyed by his "Cain't we awl juss get a-lawng?" plea to the public. Her attitude was "Why was they mad at us for lootin'? Shih, we was just trying to help HIM out!!!"
  2. A heated debate on the bus about Marion Barry: pros, cons, and is he still the Savior of DC? Also, comparing and contrasting the Mayor of DC with our sex-crazed President. "Aw, they ain't doing nothing that a man won't do!!"
  3. A crack-head lookin' woman try to hit on me in the store, while I'm looking for a Halloween costume for my son, by pulling her T-shirt down and jiggling her breasts at me from behind one of the aisles. This is while my wife is not but a few feet away, staring in shock. I just turned my head and pretended I was looking at some Kleenex so I wouldn't laugh at the woman's crack-head lookin' ass, hurt her feelings, and have to pull out some of the TangSooDo.
  4. One morning on the bus I overheard a man and a woman talking about the PBS special "Africans in America" that documents the Black experience in slavery and reconstruction and shows a few snippets from today. The man was talking about the show and the woman said "Child, I can't watch that show. I work around too many WHITE people. I might go to work and KILL somebody!!"
  5. My wife and I discussed Bill Clinton's Impeachment Delima:
    • WIFE: Damn! I hate that Monica Lewinsky.
    • ME: Yeah, okay. Why?
    • WIFE: She's a fool! She's causing nothing but trouble. She should have just kept her stupid MOUTH shut!!!!
    • ME: Yeah, I know. LITERALLY!!!!
  6. Someone sent this to me in an e-mail at work. It's an oldie but a goody:
    • An employee was fired based on this taped conversation. This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, the person is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "termination without cause". The call is from the taped conversation leading up to dismissal:
      • "WordPerfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"
      • "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
      • "What sort of trouble?"
      • "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
      • "Went away?"
      • "They disappeared."
      • "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
      • "Nothing."
      • "Nothing?"
      • "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
      • "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
      • "How do I tell?"
      • "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
      • "What's a sea-prompt?"
      • "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
      • "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!"
      • "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
      • "What's a monitor?"
      • "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV."
      • "Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?"
      • "I don't know."
      • "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
      • "Yes, I think so."
      • "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
      • ".......Yes, it is."
      • "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
      • "No."
      • "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
      • "....... Okay, here it is."
      • "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
      • "I can't reach."
      • "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
      • "No."
      • "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
      • "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
      • "Dark?"
      • "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
      • "Well, turn on the office light then."
      • "I can't."
      • "No? Why not?"
      • "Because there's a power outage."
      • "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
      • "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
      • "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
      • "Really? Is it that bad?"
      • "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
      • "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
      • "Tell them you're too f**king a## stupid to own a computer."

Weird, sad, but true none the less!!!!

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